30 days of self-love: leaving

We can love ourselves by leaving. Experiences, relationships, jobs, programs. There are so many ways to leave. Believe me, I know. I’ve put in the work. I spent a lot of my life leaving even the moments I was in. Never really there. Not really. Not mindfully.

When I started doing healing work, I recognized that flight was my main trauma response, and disassociating, getting away as quickly as possible. And since I became aware of my patterns, I have worked hard to disrupt them. An example is in an intimate situations that in the past would be scary to me, I say in a mantra in my head, “Stay, stay, stay, stay.” I say until I stay. I learned safety is something I can create moment to moment when I don’t leave.

However, that doesn’t mean that whenever I leave now, it’s enacting a pattern of behavior. That’s one of the great things about healing wounds. I am able to make decisions from a fresher place that isn’t rooted in the harm from my past. This joyful, beautiful healing work is lifelong, and I am so grateful to know that I get to love myself by leaving. Leaving feels so different now, from a place of safety, self-trust, empowerment. Leaving is powerful.

Staying can be love. Leaving can be love, too.