30 days of self-love: imagination

I love Christmas. I always have. Even as a child, it was never just about Santa and presents to me. Somehow it seemed like the happy ending every year had been waiting for, a magical time when it wasn’t silly to believe.

This holiday season, I found myself thinking of my favorite Christmas gift. I received it on the first Christmas after my parents had separated, when I was 7 or 8 years old. It was a Pollyville Superset. The excitement of being able to create a whole world, the joy of this little world in a box just waiting to be opened up, this is what I remember.

Synchronicity struck, and the same day I had been talking about that gift, I received an envelope in the mail from my mother with a few photos from past Christmases. One of them happened to be that specific Christmas, with the Pollyville Superset next to me on Christmas morning as I waved at the camera.

I googled the toy to compare the colors and the box to make sure it was the same. It was! A link to one of the houses from the set came up on Etsy, and the first link I clicked on happened to be the one I had loved most. Scrolling through the photos, I could suddenly remember each of the little characters, which one I liked best, where I liked to have them sleep, how magical the little lives I created in that house were. It was a visceral excitement and a specificity of childhood memory that I rarely experience.

I ordered it, and got it two days before Christmas. I wrapped it, put it under my tree, and opened it on Christmas Day. The anticipation of opening it was almost as fun as actually opening it. This is something I recommend to every adult. The recommendation isn’t just to buy the toy and look at it, but to go a step further and actually play with it.

Being a nanny, teacher, baby-sitter and auntie, I have spent a lot of time playing with toys with children. I was surprised though that when I sat down by myself to play with my new old toy, after the initial excitement, I felt frustrated. “What am I supposed to do?” I sat there, feeling deflated. Then I thought, what did I used to do with this toy? I was in awe of my imagination as a child, of all children’s imagination. They don’t sit down and think how can I create a world with this toy? They just play.

I’m happy to say that I have continued to sit down with that toy, and I can play with it. And it’s FUN! The experience has sparked a commitment this year to my imagination. This past year, I have worked so hard on recognizing my worth, loving what I see in the mirror, loving myself when I’m not how I think I should be. Self-love is a lifelong journey, and also, part of that is loving our whole selves fully. Such an important part of this is loving and playing and engaging our inner child. Of course, we must be imaginative to do this.

So this year I want to PLAY more! How can I bring imagination into my work, my relationships, my community? What could we build together from a more imaginative and playful place? As Rilke wrote, asking the questions and then, with intention and fun, living those questions into answers.

Happy New Year, y’all.