mom and dad

there used to be a valley

a ragged gulf of loneliness and regret, thick with the smoke of fear, between us.

I kept the front lines of the edges of that valley ready and armed, always, waiting, watching.

don’t touch me, no one can touch me, I am untouchable, I am unreachable and no one can hurt me now.

SHHH-she never hears you, said my little voice inside, so why bother talking?

oh, but I was never to blame. only her, always.

oh, but what if I chose something different?

oh, but what if we chose something different?

what happens when I speak my truth?

what happens when I open up?

what happens when instead of stoking the fire, I let the smoke clear?

No fear. What happens?

I soften. I cry. I breathe. I hug my mom like when I was a child.

I thought my heart was breaking.

Now I know, heading to my father’s doorstep, no, this what it feels like,

To live in love so deep, it must be unconditional.

What a surprise.

It has been in me all along.