sitting with questions

In each of us lies worlds beyond our understanding, beyond our grasp, places we glimpse but cannot stay. The layers and the mountains and the facades and the obstacles to our true authenticity, communion with our core selves, our given goodness, are so high and so numerous, it can feel like it’s never-ending. A quest with no resolution. An I’ll never get there so why bother at all. An I thought I knew myself and then there’s this. An I thought I loved myself so how did I get here.  

Ambiguity, but. But I.

Need an answer.

Need a purpose.

Need to know.

Need to understand.

Need to resolve.

Need to improve. 

Need to make a choice.

A change.

NEED TO DO SOMETHING!

The paradoxes we must live alongside, we must live into, tear at, confound sometimes. How can we be present and mindful of the past? How can we get to the root of our reactions, of our suffering, and still be in this moment? How can we practice lovingkindness and push for justice? How can we accept and reimagine something different? How do we love those who are in so much pain, who are so immeshed in their stories and narratives, that their decisions and the way they exercise their capacity and impact in the world harms, kills even? How do we forgive and have boundaries? How do we not put people out of our heart and keep ourselves safe?

A lot of questions lately.

I was listening to a recent On Being podcast with adrienne maree brown. The conversation is rich and beautiful, a balm on the wounds of harm. She asks, what do I take from this and what do I evolve? 

I hear a lot around choosing change. Everything is always changing though. It’s not a choice but rather an acceptance of the inevitable.

So asking the question again today in particular seems important, looking back and looking forward, while being here, fully in our bodies and in this moment. 

What do we take from this and what do we evolve?